Baz

New Doggy!!!

2007-05-31T20:31:14Z

There is a new addition to the lea b household. A 7 week old German Shepherd puupy called Harrison (at least for now lol)

Pictures and more updates to come very soon…

Top grades for college, but I fail at fandom...

2006-03-15T22:29:28Z

*peeks out from hidey-hole*

I am actually still alive - Since starting back at college after a hefty three month ‘sick’ break I’ve had a lot and I mean A LOT of work to catch up on. Also over the past month, life in general has been rather… er…shall I say, eventful.

Apologies to everyone for the lack of reviews, comments and anyone waiting for an update of Against All Odds. I do have chapter five outlined but I have had no time to sit and work on it. Hopefully I may find the time now I’m settling back to a fairly normal routine.

Hugs to all and I will get round to paying off all the review IOU’s

Lea

Personal - pics of my cats

2006-02-07T04:48:21Z

I just sorted out some pictures that I wanted to upload - In the spirit of my last entry, where I made an effort to share myself with *people* - I live like a little 'Ben' hermit

Now these little cuties I'm proud of, and love to share.

This was Snowy just after she had given birth. You can just about see the kittens, although they are a bit blurry

Riley (as a baby) nicely scaled by the loo roll holder, and still has a thing for loo roll now - even at the age of two.

Misty, who is 11 and is always there for me when I need a hug.

Stripe, who is daughter of Snowy and Riley, I haven’t got any pictures of yet. She has inherited Snowy’s looks and Riley’s insane personality.

Personal, Song lyrics

2006-02-05T21:24:00Z

Now, I’m usually not one for doing personal entries. Which is kind of silly really since this is my journal.

I’m fairly certain that this whole thing is going turn into an incoherent ramble…but anyone who reads it can always hit the back button ;)

Sharing myself - the real me, and not the me that hides my emotions behind writing, is something I find hard to do. But since I am struggling at the moment with a nasty bout of depression and self imposed isolation, I thought I’d feel less lonely if I just gave a little piece of myself away.

Today I had a ‘moment’ while I was listening to one of the songs I had written. The lyrics really struck me hard because I had written this song before my current obsession or, if I’m honest, unhealthy dependence on the Anakin/Obi-Wan fandom. I was like "WOW this is really me at the moment," clinging on to something when life gets a little rough. Although thinking of my other coping methods, I'd much rather retreat into a world full of Anakin and Obi-Wan, than do something self destructive. Even if I do find it hard to come back to reality at times.

I don’t usually share my song lyrics with anyone other than close friends, as they tend to be very personal to me - but taking a leap of faith, maybe in some secret hope that I find I’m not the only one that feels like this - I thought I’d share.

I Live Inside Myself

Verse one
The day goes by
Fades into the night
I look up to the stars
And breathe a sigh

I face the night
Here on my own
But if I close my eyes
I’m not alone.

Chorus
I live inside myself
Only feel inside my dreams
When I close, my eyes
I’m happy

I only dare to feel
When I know that it’s not real
When I close, my eyes
I’m happy.

Verse two
Throughout the night
My life can change
All the thing that I don’t like
I put to right.

I found a way
To love and play
Locked away inside my mind
Where I feel safe

Chorus

End

My obsession rolled into one little song.

Fic - There's Something About You.

2006-02-04T21:14:19Z

Title: There’s Something About You
Rating: NC-17
Paring: Anakin/Obi-Wan
Genre: PWP
Warnings: SLASH, M/M. Graphic sexual situations and oral sex.

Summary: Anakin has a slight problem…can he and Obi-Wan make it back to their quarters in time to sort it out?

Author comments: I have taken a break from the angst, H/C scene to indulge myself... This is also a practise run for the imminent HJL in “Against All Odds.” Comments are always welcome.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to George Lucas. No infringement is intended and I make no profit from this.

“There’s Something About You.”

Anakin piloted the speeder erratically through the congested lanes of Coruscant, swerving violently from left to right. The bright neon lights of the night time, planet-sized city seemed to almost streak past, like stars in hyperspace.

Thrusting upwards to avoid yet another collision, Anakin shifted uncomfortably in his seat. If he had any idea what it was that set him off, he could probably exercise some measure of control during public functions. But oh no. Now he was incredibly turned on, bursting out of his pants and it was all over something Obi-Wan had done. A certain expression maybe, a gesture perceived only by his lewd over-worked mind? Force knows what it was. All he wanted to do now was take his Master back home. Ravage every inch of succulent pale flesh and spill himself inside Obi-Wan screaming out his name.

“Sith Anakin! Could you please slow down?” Obi-Wan shouted, pitching his voice over the noise of the traffic.

“Sorry, Master,” Anakin replied. He turned to face Obi-Wan, arching up his eyebrows. There was a feral glint in his eyes as licked his lips and he gestured down with a nod of his head “It’s just I have a little…er…well… I have a problem.”

“Eyes forward! Otherwise it won’t be a problem anymore.”

“Yes, Master.” Anakin sighed, tearing his eyes from Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan chucked and shook his head. “Twice today and still you want more of me.”

“Well… there’s something about you that gets me really….hot.” Anakin snuck a peek out of the corner of his eye. The Force could guide the speeder. No way was he going to miss that sexy embarrassed Obi-Wan look. “Can’t you do anything?”

“What would you have me do in the middle of the skyway, Anakin?”

Anakin smirked as the image flashed in his mind…Obi-Wan bending over him…licking, sucking. He felt his cock twitch at the thought and moaned as the pressure increased inside his pants. Such inciting fantasies were not helping his current predicament. “I dunno, use your imagination.”

“And distract you from your flying? We’ll end up being splattered across the side of a building.”

“At least I’d die happy. And let’s not forget I was a champion podracer at the age of nine. I know what I’m doing.”

Obi-Wan stoked his beard in thought. Considering his available options, and ever-present modesty he reasoned there was only one thing he could do that wouldn’t draw obvious attention. Besides, he was very good at being sneaky. He leaned over and began to unravel the tie on Anakin‘s pants.

Anakin groaned when Obi-Wan wrapped his fingers around his aching length. Instinctively, he closed his eyes, arcing into the blessed touch.

“Eyes open! Otherwise I’ll stop.” Obi-Wan cautioned.

“Stop and I’ll kill you.” Anakin panted. His brow furrowed as he fought to keep his eyes open and as the unbelievable friction increased it sent sparks flying throughout his body. He moaned impulsively, sucking in the rushing air through his clenched teeth.

This reaction, together with the arousing feelings flowing through his and Anakin’s Force bond sent blood rushing to Obi-Wan’s groin. He swallowed hard, tightening his grip around Anakin’s cock as he felt himself harden. “Anakin?”

“Urggh?” Came the incoherent response.

“Speed up!”

Running through the Temple corridors, Anakin led Obi-Wan by the hand. Thankfully, it was late at night, neither of them would have to explain their blatant disregard for the rules. Besides soon enough there would be flagrant breaking of the rules mixed by moans and gasps of pleasure. Why worry about one when they had every intention of breaking another…

Tearing around the corner towards the turbo lift, Anakin’s Force pushed the button to call the elevator down. “I hope this doesn’t take too long,” he panted, trying to catch his breath. “I don’t think I can hold out much longer.” Lust and desperation had crept into every fibre of his being and he began to sway gently, alternating his weight from one foot to the other.

“Think master Yoda, Anakin.”

“That would make me go limp for a week.”

“Then forget I said anything.” Obi-Wan replied.

The elevator doors opened.

“Thank the Force,” Anakin said as he stepped inside. He pressed his back up against the wall and urged Obi-Wan to follow. “Come on,” he growled as the elder Jedi began to fumble with the control panel. As soon as the doors closed, Anakin pulled Obi-Wan into a fierce kiss.

Obi-Wan responded just as fervently, swirling his tongue hungrily around Anakin‘s, sucking it in short bursts. He rocked his hips against Anakin’s body, moaning into the younger Jedi’s mouth when his straining cock came into contact with Anakin’s upper thigh.

Anakin felt as though his whole body was on fire. He began to grind his hips in rhythm to Obi-Wan‘s movements. The friction it created produced a feral growl that tore low from his throat. He pulled at Obi-Wan’s tunic ripping it open in his haste. The action resulted in an equally loud growl from his lover and when Obi-Wan’s hand once again slipped into his pants, Anakin threw his head back in ecstasy.

As Obi-Wan pumped him furiously, Anakin felt himself begin to climax. He was all too aware however that the elevator was approaching the desired floor. With the help of the Force, Anakin managed to press the emergency stop button.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan mumbled, running his tongue over a particularly sensitive area on Anakin’s neck. “That is for emergencies only.”

“This…is…ah…a…fucking… emer…emergency,” Anakin panted in reply. Now that there was no danger of a interruption, he let go, submitting to his desire as Obi-Wan continued with his ministrations. After a few more forceful tugs on his achingly hard cock, Anakin came, panting out Obi-Wan’s name as his seed spattered across his lover’s hand.

Obi-Wan gazed at his hand and then looked around the elevator. Shrugging his shoulders he brought his hand up to his mouth and began to slowly lick it clean.

The sight sparked a new fire of lust within Anakin and he lunged forward, grabbing Obi-Wan roughly by his tunic. He swiftly reversed their positions so that Obi-Wan was now pressed up against the wall. Anakin crushed his lips against his lover’s and found with an erotic pleasure that he could taste himself. He groaned in response, sucking hard on Obi-Wan’s tongue.

Anakin broke away from the searing kiss and began trailing his tongue down the side of Obi-Wan’s neck. He ran his hands swiftly over Obi-Wan’s exposed chest before lowering his hand to cup his lover’s erection through his pants. Anakin kissed his way down Obi-Wan’s chest stopping briefly to run his tongue over a darkened raised nipple. His hand meanwhile, began to roughly rub Obi-Wan’s cock. The fabric between Anakin’s hand and Obi-Wan‘s burning erection creating a frustrating barrier. Taking pity on his lover he tore down Obi-Wan’s pants, releasing his straining erection from its confines.

Obi-Wan purred with desire, moaning incoherently as Anakin began to stoke his length languorously. He thrust hard into Anakin’s hand as a desperate urge to increase the pace took over him.

“Patience my Master. All good things come in time.” Anakin murmured, swirling his tongue around the inside of Obi-Wan’s navel.

Anakin carried on working down his Master’s stomach, licking and kissing the flesh on Obi-Wan’s lower belly, before running his tongue lightly, slowly down towards Obi-Wan‘s groin.

Obi-Wan could hardly contain a growl when Anakin’s tongue ran down and then up the underside of his cock. Anakin then turned his attentions to the head, flicking his tongue over the moistened slit, before taking the entire length deep into his mouth.

With his head thrown back Obi-Wan moaned, writhing against the cool durasteel of the elevator wall. As his knees began to tremble, he grasped at Anakin’s shoulders in order to steady himself. He all but screamed when he felt a moist finger probe at his entrance, the sensation heightened by the unbelievably erotic things Anakin was doing with his tongue.

Sensing that his lover was near orgasm, Anakin began to suck harder, pushing his fingers deeper inside Obi-Wan. A slight nudge at his prostate sent Obi-Wan spiraling out of control. Anakin felt Obi-Wan’s body shudder above him and with a feral growl, Obi-Wan came in short rapid bursts. Anakin swallowed willingly, licking his lips lasciviously when he pulled away.

Obi-Wan released the grip he had on Anakin’s shoulders and let himself slide languorously down the wall into his lover’s waiting embrace. Totally spent, he snuggled into the crook of Anakin’s shoulder and closed his eyes focusing on his breathing as it slowly returned to a normal rhythm.

After a while both men rose to their feet and straightened themselves up. Anakin released the emergency button and as the door opened a few moments later, a look of horror crossed his face.

Standing tall and looking as stern as ever was Mace Windu.

“Master Kenobi, Skywalker,” he fumed.

“M-Master Windu.” Obi-Wan nodded, bowing respectfully.

“Is there a problem with the elevator?”

END!!

You know I wasn't embarrassed writing this but now I’ve posted it I’ve gone all shy

Fic - Against All Odds - Chapter Four

2006-02-03T22:20:23Z

Title: Against All Odds
Paring: Anakin/Obi-Wan
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: SLASH, M/M
Beta: Hannurdock

Summary: AU Slash. Angst/Romance. Feelings mature, as Anakin helps Obi-Wan recover from his torture on Rattatak.

Author comments: Ok, so I suck at updating. My bad…I haven’t been feeling that well in myself and even though writing helps, sometimes when my mood really drops it’s hard to concentrate on anything. For all who are interested, I hope that the wait was worth it. Let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to George Lucas. No infringement is intended and I make no profit from this.

Chapter One: Desperate Plea
Chapter Two: Hurting Inside
Chapter Three: Insight

“Against All Odds”

Chapter Four: An Interesting Development.

Hiding behind the Jedi Code was easy for Obi-Wan. The code offered him security, a way of shutting out the pain of life. Everything was stated in black and white, and was either wrong or right. There was no confusion, no ambiguity. It was simple, obey the rules and do your duty.

Built in the aftermath of his Master‘s death was a well-constructed wall. One that he could hide behind to save himself from further heartache. This rational reasoning helped him to push aside his overwhelming grief. If he told himself it was wrong to love Qui-Gon in the first place and accept the pain of his passing as punishment, he would survive.

So after that day on Naboo, Obi-Wan swore that he would never leave himself vulnerable again - he would never allow himself to love. Just as the Code stated.

Words were easy to manipulate. Feelings, however, were not.

Obi-Wan sat up in his bed staring at a small mark on the wall. The blemish moved under his intense gaze, splitting in two before then merging back into one. He exhaled heavily, releasing a breath he had not realised he had been holding. The sensation shook him out of his trance and he blinked a couple of times to moisten his dry eyes.

Breaking down in the arms of his Padawan was not something that Obi-Wan had intended to do. Anakin’s force signature had radiated warmth, compassion and love. His aura had enveloped Obi-Wan completely. He had tried so hard not to let Anakin in. Obi-Wan knew that once he was well again, Anakin would run back to Padmé. The love he felt for her was of a different kind to the one he felt for his Master. Obi-Wan was sure of it. Anakin would never reciprocate his feelings of attraction. Why would he? When he had her.

So now the irrational jealously Obi-Wan had buried was now burning at the surface. It was both exhilarating and infuriating to have Anakin so close all the time. It both fed his deepest desire and fuelled a raging voice deep inside him.

‘Why not me?’

Obi-Wan brushed his fingers through his hair, grimacing as he pulled away his hand. “It would probably help if I was a little more presentable,” he mumbled sarcastically.

Moving slowly he gently pulled himself up off the bed. A wave of dizziness struck him straight away and he threw his arms out to steady himself. He waited for a moment while his body adjusted to being in an upright position before tentatively taking a step forward. He groaned as his weak and battered body protested and as his knees began to wobble he threw his arms forward involuntary, protecting his face from the inevitable impact.

“Oh Force this is going to…” As strong arms wrapped around his waist to catch him, Obi-Wan sighed in relief.

“What the Sith are you doing? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” Anakin was not impressed.

“I want a shower.” Obi-Wan replied turning around to grasp at Anakin’s tunic in order to steady himself.

Anakin rolled his eyes. “You can’t get that wound in your side wet….and it will never heal properly if you keep jumping around the room.”

Obi-Wan scoffed pulling away from Anakin‘s embrace. “I’m hardly jumping around the room, Anakin. I can’t even walk across the room.” Another wave of dizziness struck him and he leaned against Anakin again. “Force, I feel so weak.”

“That’s because you’re not eating, Master,” Anakin said as he wrapped his arm around Obi-Wan’s waist. “Come on, back to bed.”

“No…not the bed. I’ve seen far too much of this room. There are exactly forty eight tiles framing that window,” Obi-Wan protested, pointing at the offensive object in question.

Anakin laughed and led Obi-Wan into the common room, supporting the elder man gently as he walked him over to the couch. “There, you can spend the day curled up in front of the HoloNet and…” He quirked up his eyebrows, grinning in what looked like a flirtatious way, “ I can keep an eye on you in here.”

“I’m not a youngling, Anakin.” Obi-Wan replied, wrapping his arms around himself as he felt the chill in the room. He flicked his eyes up at Anakin feeling a little embarrassed. “C-can I have my blanket, please?”

“Not a youngling, hey?” Anakin quipped as he walked back into the bedroom to retrieve the blanket.

Under normal circumstances Obi-Wan would have reprimanded Anakin for his impudent behaviour. But he didn’t have the energy or the care to do so. Instead he compromised, opting for a glare which he directed at the younger Jedi’s back.

“We are a grumpy one this morning aren’t we, Master.” Anakin said catching sight of his Master’s expression.

“I’m tired, sore, weak, hungry, bored and…” He brushed his fingers through his hair. “I do not look…erm…feel my best.” Obi-Wan took the blanket from Anakin, wrapping it around his shoulders tightly.

Anakin knelt down on the floor beside the sofa and lay his hand on Obi-Wan’s knee. “You’re getting stronger everyday and your wounds are healing. Breakfast is ready, and if you want me to I can wash your hair for you when you’ve finished eating.” He said softy.

Obi-Wan tried to suppress the smile that formed on his face. He had woken up feeling cranky and was resolved to stay that way for the rest of the day. Being mad around Anakin though was impossible when he was this endearing. “What’s for breakfast then?”

“The only thing I know how to cook. Traditional Nubian breakfast.” Anakin replied as walked back to the kitchen area.

“No doubt it‘s Padmé‘s favourite.”

Anakin shot him a look. “We’ve been through this a thousand times. No more lectures please?”

“I’m probably not in the right frame of mind to give you a lecture on forbidden attachment anyway.” Obi-Wan sighed deeply. “Anakin, I am grateful for all that you are doing. You must appreciate that this whole situation is very frustrating for me.”

“I know.” Anakin’s expression softened when he met Obi-Wan’s gaze and after a moment of contemplation he shook his head and walked over to couch. “I’ll leave you alone to eat this while I take a shower,” he said as he lowered a tray on Obi-Wan’s lap.

Obi-Wan eyed the plate heaped with food and licked his lips as he took in the exotic aroma. “Smells good.”

“Well make sure you eat it all up then.” Anakin replied, ruffling Obi-Wan’s hair as he walked past.

“Still not a youngling.”

Anakin laughed as entered the fresher. “But you are adorable when you behave like one.” He said, closing the door before Obi-Wan could retort.

Now that Anakin was out of sight, Obi-Wan hurriedly tucked into his breakfast. He didn’t want his cheeky Padawan to see how hungry he truly was. His appetite had come back with a vengeance and there was no dignified way to eat in front of anyone when he felt this hungry.

With a flick of the wrist he turned on the Holo-Reciever, frowning in distaste as the image flickered on the screen. “Stars’ end, I can’t believe they are still showing this.” As he moved to change the channel, a woman on the screen cried out in pain and slumped to the floor. With his curiosity now piqued, Obi-Wan continued to watch.

As the show reached its climax, Obi-Wan sat on the edge of his seat watching eagerly to see whether the female character would survive. Deeply immersed in the intense, if not, cheesy drama; he didn’t hear Anakin sneak up behind him.

“Wow, I never would have guessed.”

The sound of Anakin’s voice made Obi-Wan jump and he yelped in shock. He quickly moved to change the channel but Anakin grabbed his wrist, laughing incredulously at his Master’s poor taste in viewing.

“I expected you to be watching the HoloNews, not this load of rubbish. Obi-Wan Kenobi you...”

“That’s Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, to you.” Obi-Wan interrupted; mortified that he had been caught in the act. Still, he made no effort to remove his Padawan’s hand from his...

“Oh no! You can‘t get out of it by being all ‘Masterly.’”

Obi-Wan sighed in exasperation and nodded to his plate, hoping that it would avert Anakin’s attention. “I ate it all, look.”

“Good job,” Anakin said as set the plate to one side. He pulled the elder Jedi from the sofa, letting Obi-Wan support most of his own weight as he led him to the fresher.

Anakin pulled up a stool in front of the sink and gestured for Obi-Wan to sit down. “When you’re feeling stronger we can go down to the training room’s. You can work off some of that frustration and grumpiness burning away in there,” he said as wrapped a towel around his Master’s shoulders. “You’d probably kick my ass.”

Obi-Wan inhaled deeply as his Padawan leant over. He could smell the soap Anakin had used to wash himself with. The sweet scent merged with the familiar ‘Anakin’ aroma and he smiled as he took it all in. He reassured himself that there was nothing inappropriate about having his hair washed and relaxed, content to let himself be pampered for a while.

“Lean back.” Anakin whispered softly.

As a wave of warm water washed over his head, Obi-Wan closed his eyes and sighed slowly. Anakin took his time, brushing his fingers slowly through Obi-Wan’s hair stopping periodically to massage his scalp and temple. Anakin was a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield, his strong calloused hands as much of a weapon as his lightsabre was. Yet To Obi-Wan’s surprise, his touch was soft and gentle.

Obi-Wan groaned in response, leaning into Anakin‘s caress. His heart leapt when Anakin knelt down beside him, as the younger Jedi began run a comb through the mass of tangles in his hair. Gazing deep into Anakin’s eyes, Obi-Wan was once again struck by an almost overpowering sense of love flowing from his Padawan’s Force signature. As wave after wave hit him, Obi-Wan felt his head start to spin. He grasped at the hand Anakin had set on his knee and sighed when his Padawan laced his fingers with his.

“Gorgeous.”

“What?” Obi-Wan shook his head in disbelief.

Anakin gazed longingly into Obi-Wan eyes, brushing his fingers through the wet auburn strands. “Hair wet…you look, gorgeous.”

“You, think so?” Obi-Wan replied in wonderment.

Anakin nodded, words lost in the moment as he tentatively moved forward. Obi-Wan’s lips twitched in response and he felt his body begin to tremble in anticipation. There was no time for reasoning or debate and when Anakin’s lips touched his, Obi-Wan gasped at the sensation, allowing Anakin access to his mouth with his tongue. Taken aback at first Obi-Wan began to respond, deepening the kiss even more. He tugged hard at Anakin’s tunic, pulling his Padawan in closer.

“Wait,” Anakin panted, breaking the kiss.

Obi-Wan was suddenly struck by a wave of anxiety. It was radiating from Anakin. Concerned, he pulled away. “What’s wrong?”

“Things are beginning to take an interesting turn…but…”

Obi-Wan looked down. “…Padmé.”

Anakin tilted Obi-Wan’s chin up, forcing him to make eye contact again. “Is my wife yes…but I want you…”

“Do you not love her?” Obi-Wan whispered.

“Yes…I do…I did…in a way. I’m not sure. I’ve hardly seen her and I have spent every day apart from her with you. I feel so confused…” Anakin shook his head. “One thing I do know is that I'm betraying her. What I’m doing here is wrong.”

“All of this is wrong, Anakin. Your marriage, my attraction to you … A Jedi does not know passion … love.”

“But you feel it all the same?” There was a pause before Anakin continued, “If I ask you something do you promise to answer honestly, no cryptic messages or Jedi platitudes?”

“I will try.”

“Stripped down so there was just the two of us, no code, Council, obligation, war or wife. Would you…consider me? Could I be with you…would you…?” Anakin trailed off, frustrated that he was unable to articulate the question.

“I am interested, yes.” Obi-Wan started. He was a little shocked by his own admission

Anakin's eyes widened in surprise. “You are?”

“Yes.” Obi-Wan replied softly, cupping the side of Anakin’s face.

Anakin smiled wryly. “So if we were to win the war, destroy the Sith, rewrite the Jedi Code and if I was to divorce Padmé - we could be together. Talk about overwhelming odds.”

“Sometimes things prevail against all odds, Anakin.”

“I guess so. You’re living proof of that. How you escaped Ventress I’ll never know.”

Obi-Wan shifted uncomfortably in his seat and wrapped his arms around himself. The mere thought of that sadistic creature sending chills down his body.

Anakin took hold of Obi-Wan’s hand, squeezing it tightly “I should go and see her, Padmé. I should talk to her.”

“I think you should.” Obi-Wan replied.

Anakin smiled lightly as he pulled Obi-Wan to his feet. They embraced for a while before Anakin gently escorted the elder Jedi back to the couch.

The waves of anxiety rolling off Anakin became more intense as he pulled on his boots and cloak. Before he left, he bent down to place a soft kiss on Obi-Wan’s forehead. “I’ll be back soon.”

Obi-Wan sighed deeply, reaching out to grasp Anakin’s hand. He hung on, until finally they were fingertip to fingertip. When his Padawan walked out of reach and earshot, he voiced the words that he had desperately wanted to say.

“I love you.”

TBC

Fic - Against All Odds - Chapter Three

2006-01-18T18:00:56Z

Title: Against All Odds
Paring: Anakin/Obi-Wan
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: SLASH, M/M
Beta: Hannurdock

Summary: AU SLASH. Angst/Romance. Feelings change, as Anakin helps Obi-Wan recover from his torture on Rattatak.

Author comments: Chapter Three is up - my personal favourite. I have a lot of college work to do this week, so there may be a slightly longer wait for chapter 4 - it’s in its first edit at the moment, so there’s quite a lot of work to do on it yet.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to George Lucas. No infringement is intended and I make no profit from this….what so ever.

Chapter Index
Chapter One: Desprate Plea
Chapter Two: Hurting Inside

“Against All Odds”

Chapter Three: Insight.

Anakin cursed to himself as he walked back up to his quarters. He had only meant to see Padmé for a while, just to check in on her. He felt guilty for being so distant with her. He had sought comfort in her presence. It soothed him, or at least it should have, it used to…

Nevertheless, Padmé needed him. For the past few days, Obi-Wan had been distinctly distant and it both infuriated and hurt Anakin at the same time. Before Rattatak, Obi-Wan and he had been close. Fighting side-by-side on the battlefield had left no room for petty arguments and youngling tantrums.

Anakin could still remember vividly the sound of the explosion. Standing in the filth ridden swampy battlefield on Jibiim, the ground had shook beneath him. In that instant Anakin had dropped to his knees, grasping at his head as his felt the faint whisper of Obi-Wan’s Force signature melt away.

It was the only time, for the briefest of seconds, that Anakin had entertained the thought that his Master was dead. Since then, he had spent every night in Obi-Wan’s room. Opting for the physical connection it served over sleeping with his wife…

Padmé had understood at first, had been patient, but as the weeks had gone by she had become increasingly frustrated. Now that Obi-Wan was back and alive, Padmé had expected to see more of Anakin, not less. But Anakin could still only think of his Master. A dull ache in his chest accompanied the urge to be near Obi-Wan, to feel his presence instead of spending time with the women he claimed to love.

It made physical intimacy with his wife impossible. Whenever he touched her, his mind seemed to stray…Anakin had quickly made his excuses and left when she had offered to take him to bed. The look on Padmé’s face hunted him; Anakin had not meant to hurt her. He couldn‘t escape the feeling that somehow, on a more intimate level, he would be betraying Obi-Wan by having sex with her.

Anakin palmed open the door to his quarters and shrugged off his cloak. He threw it over the back of the couch as he sat down to take off his boots. He removed his belt and pulled off his outer tunic, groaning a little as the tense muscles in his shoulder protested painfully at the movement. Anakin rested his head in his hands, sighing deeply. Force, he felt tired. He rubbed his temples slowly, trying to soothe out the throbbing pain in his head. He cast an eye over to his bedroom door and then to his Master’s room. Taking a few moments to decide, he slowly got up to his feet and made his way into Obi-Wan’s room.

His heart broke when he saw the sleeping form of his Master; Obi-Wan was hunched up on his side, clutching his knees tightly to his chest. His cheeks were tear stained, and pieces of crumpled tissue surrounded him on the bed. One piece still remained in Obi-Wan’s grasp; the elder Jedi had cried himself to exhaustion.

Never in his life, had Anakin seen his Master look so vulnerable before. “Obi-Wan. I‘m so sorry,” he whispered, lips quivering a little as tears formed in his eyes.

Moving slowly so as not to wake the elder man, Anakin walked across the room and sat on the bed. Slowly, he eased the tissue out of Obi-Wan’s hand, jumping slightly when the elder Jedi groaned and rolled onto his back. He pulled the blanket over Obi-Wan’s shoulders and discarded the rest of the tissues into the bin beside the table.

Satisfied that his Master had fallen back to sleep, Anakin attentively brushed his fingers over the sleeping Jedi’s cheek, tracing the dried tear tracks lightly with the pads of his fingers. He should have known Obi-Wan would put on a brave face, should have known that it was all ‘Kenobi bravado.’ The man had been through hell, but he would never admit to any kind of weakness, especially to his Padawan.

Gently, Anakin stretched out on the bed. Placing his hand over Obi-Wan’s chest, he sought out the gentle pulse of the elder Jedi’s heartbeat.

Thump. Thump.

It soothed away all the tension in his body, all the worry in his mind. Just like it had done when he was young, feeling alone and afraid. Focusing on the sound, Anakin closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

~~~

A slight breeze swept through the room chilling Anakin’s back. Instinctively, he reached out with his left arm, pulling in the warm body of his sleeping partner against him. He brushed his lips lightly over the smooth skin and he wrapped his arm around his partner’s waist. It felt so good, so familiar, but different somehow. As the realisation struck him, Anakin snapped open his eyes. Blinking furiously, his heart jumped when the fuzzy form of his Master came into focus.

Oh Force.

“Anakin, why are you in my bed?” Obi-Wan asked, an unreadable expression on his face.

Anakin felt his cheeks flush as he pulled away sharply. “I…er…sorry, M-Master,” he said nervously.

Obi-Wan held his serious expression for a while before breaking into a smile. “It’s alright Anakin. I-I have to admit it was comforting to wake up with you near me,” he said sheepishly, breaking eye contact.

Anakin smiled softly, forgetting about his embarrassing conduct. He felt his heart flutter a little; Obi-Wan needed him after all. A warm sense of compassion enveloped his heart and he chuckled, arching his eyebrows and shaking his head a little.

Obi-Wan laughed too, bringing his hands up to his face. “You were getting very cosy there, Anakin.”

“Hey, I didn‘t hear you complain all that much.”

“Well, it’s been a long time, Anakin.” Obi-Wan sighed.

Anakin’s jaw dropped open in shock. “You’ve…you’ve.”

Obi-Wan smiled, arcing up his eyebrows. “Believe it or not, young one, I did have a rebellious phase once.”

“I never would have thought…wow. Still…” Anakin shook his head a little and placed his hand over Obi-Wan’s. “You look better this morning, Master. It’s nice to see you smile.”

“Better? Oh I’m fine. Just a little sore, but I’ll live.” Obi-Wan said, moving his hand from underneath Anakin’s.

Anakin frowned, confused by Obi-Wan’s reaction. “Well, I’m sorry that I wasn’t around yesterday when you woke. I shouldn’t have left you.”

Obi-Wan turned away from Anakin, pulling the blanket tightly around him. His posture suddenly tense, his shoulders hunched up high and his head bowed. Anakin recognised Obi-Wan’s expression. Brow furrowed, eyes dark, lips pressed tightly together. Obi-Wan was thinking of something - something very unpleasant and painful but at the same time trying not to look as though he was pained.

“Master?” Anakin whispered, laying one hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder.

“I’m fine, Anakin.”

“You don’t look fine,” Anakin gently pulled Obi-Wan onto his back, the action met with weak resistance. “I’m sorry if I said something to upset you.”

Obi-Wan remained silent; his expression had reverted back to normal, calm and emotionless. His eyes however, remained darkened. The bright blue glint that Anakin had seen just a moment ago gone. Obi-Wan sighed despondently, wrapping a loose piece of twine from the blanket around his finger.

Anakin watched silently, unsure of how to proceed. Obi-Wan had gone from being playful and happy to unresponsive it a matter of minutes. Anakin’s heart ached with the knowledge that his Master was in pain. He could feel the waves of sadness, fear and confusion flowing from Obi-Wan’s Force signature.

He missed the Force bond he had with Obi-Wan. The splinters that were left in his mind itched slightly, causing an unusual irritating sensation, like grains of sand rubbing around the inside of his head. Had the bond been there, Anakin could have used the Force to console his Master, instead of having to rely on words and rebuffed displays of physical affection.

After a few minutes, Anakin reached out to grasp at Obi-Wan’s hand. The elder man had absently twisted the twine from the blanket around his finger too tightly. “Hey, you’re hurting yourself.” Anakin whispered as he began to untangle the string from around Obi-Wan’s finger.

Anakin flinched as Obi-Wan pulled his hand away sharply. He felt stung by the rejection and bit his lip hard. He could feel faint whispers of anger rising inside, the feeling quelled by the knowledge that if he was to lose his temper, it would do more harm that good. He sighed deeply, watching Obi-Wan as he pushed the blanket away, his gaze fixed on his finger as it slowly turned back to its normal colour.

“Master?”

The sound shook Obi-Wan out of his trance and he turned slowly to face Anakin. “Mmm?”

“What did you just remember?” Anakin asked softly. He reached out to place a hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder but stopped before he made contact. He didn’t want to be rejected again. It was obvious by now that his touch seemed to make Obi-Wan feel more uncomfortable…

“I’m fine…” Obi-Wan repeated absently.

Anakin took in a deep breath; shaking his head. “You are not fine, Master. You were upset last night. When I came in to check on you…I found that you had fallen asleep…crying. And now…you’re barely even here. Tell me…tell me what you need, how can I help you. Should I take you back to the Healer‘s? …Obi-Wan? Please talk to me.” Anakin’s voice trembled as he spoke, days of pent up worry and rising frustration unleashed in one blow.

Obi-Wan shuddered. He opened his mouth, and then closed it, a look of concentration etched on his face as he sought the right words, “It was just a dream, Anakin.” he sighed in mild exasperation.

“It must have been a bad one then, for you to be so upset” Anakin paused at the discomfort evident on Obi-Wan’s face. He didn’t want to upset his Master any further. On the other hand, he wanted Obi-Wan to talk to him, he wanted to help. “I’m sorry that I just shouted at you. I didn‘t mean….”

“There’s no need to apologise, Anakin. I know that you are stressed. Your trials are coming up soon; it’s an important time for you.”

Anakin shook his head, smiling wryly “You’re very good at doing that, Master.”

“Doing what?” Obi-Wan asked defensively.

“Deflecting…” Anakin let the word hang between them for a moment before continuing. “Tell me about your dream. I’m no stranger to nightmares; I might be able to….”

“Drop it, Anakin.”

“Master, I’m just trying to…”

“Drop it, Padawan.” Obi-Wan hissed, as he pushed himself roughly up off the bed.

Anakin cringed when he heard Obi-Wan’s piecing scream. Quickly, he jumped across the bed to catch his Master before he could fall. He found Obi-Wan clutching at his left side, and was horrified when he saw blood seeping through his Master’s fingers.

“Sith, you’ve pulled the wound open.” Anakin spat, covering his hand over Obi-Wan’s. He looked urgently around the room for something he could use as a dressing.

Obi-Wan swatted Anakin’s hand away, mumbling through gritted teeth. “Anakin, stop fussing.”

Suddenly, Anakin remembered the box of tissues by the bed and hurriedly grabbed a handful of them. “Here, let me…”

“I said stop, fussing.” Obi-Wan once again slapped Anakin’s hand away.

“For fuck’s sake, Obi-Wan. How the Sith I am supposed to deal with this when you won‘t let me touch you!” Anakin snapped. Tears of frustration now rolled down his checks but he wiped them away roughly with the back of his hand.

“Well shouting isn’t going to help!” Obi-Wan hissed back.

Anakin scoffed loudly, throwing the tissues into Obi-Wan’s hand. “You do it then,” he said, swallowing hard over the lump in his throat as he got up to his feet.

Avoiding Obi-Wan’s gaze, Anakin spun on his heels and ran for the fresher, closing the door behind him. Now, safely out of sight he curled his robotic hand into a fist and rammed it into the wall. “Why won’t you let me help you?” Tears now rolled freely down his cheeks as he fought the urge to scream. His body trembled, as he tried to calm down his erratic breathing.

His anger soon gave way to great sadness. Anakin brought his hands up to mouth as he cried. It was a futile attempt to muffle any sound that might betray his outburst. He sank slowly to his knees, his back sliding against the wall on the way down.

After a few minutes, Anakin began to calm down, taking a few deep breaths in and out. He focused on releasing his erratic emotions into the Force. Then, with a medkit in hand, he quickly looked in the mirror to see if it was safe enough to show his face, before walking back into the bedroom.

Obi-Wan hadn’t moved. He sat on the edge of the bed, holding the tissues Anakin had given him over his wound. His shoulders were slumped, his brow furrowed and his lips tightly pressed together. It was the same old expression Anakin had seen earlier. Only this time, the glazed glint in Obi-Wan’s eyes gave him away. He was on the verge of crying.

“I know what you’re doing, you know,” Anakin sighed, as he walked over to the bed. “I just figured it out and it won’t work,” he knelt down on the floor and opened the medkit.

Obi-Wan flinched as Anakin pulled at the tissues, peeling them away slowly. Anakin couldn’t be sure if it was the pain, or his words that had caused the reaction. But he gauged that it was probably a mixture of them both. He held Obi-Wan’s gaze for a moment before he started to speak again. “You’re pushing me away, because you are hurting. You think I don’t know this, but I do, I feel it.”

Obi-Wan swallowed hard, sighing deeply as tears began to roll down his cheeks. He sat still and passively watched as Anakin cleaned and covered his wound.

Anakin drew up onto his knees, and attentively brushed his fingers through Obi-Wan’s hair, moving some of the errant strands that had fallen into the elder Jedi’s eyes.

“You‘ll have to get that checked out properly,” Anakin said softly. “I’m no Healer, I’m afraid.”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan whispered, leaning into the hand placed on the side of his face.

“Yes?” Anakin replied, catching a few stray tears with his thumb.

“I‘m sorry.”

Anakin drew himself up onto the bed and pulled Obi-Wan into his arms. He felt his heart wrench as Obi-Wan began to shake; when the elder Jedi gasped as he wrapped his arms around him tightly. Obi-Wan melted into Anakin’s embrace, whispering heartfelt apologies and pleas, as Anakin rocked him gently.

In that moment, Anakin was overcome by a sensation of compassion - no love - for his Master. A feeling he had denied himself long ago, for fear of rejection. He had loved Obi-Wan all of his life, in one way or another. When he was younger he had harboured a crush on his Master, but that had been years back, during the height of puberty, when it was considered normal for a Padawan to have fantasies about their mentor.

He thought that he had got over his youngling infatuation. Instead, he had buried his feelings deep down inside, like a good little Padawan. The effort that it had taken to ignore his feelings had made him feel bitter.

Before the clone wars had begun, Anakin had often felt resentful of Obi-Wan. He had been angry with his Master for making him feel this way, so out of control. Then Padmé had come back into his life. With his relationship with Obi-Wan strained, when he lost his mother, Anakin had latched onto Padmé. It was the only form of comfort offered to him in the midst of all the turmoil in his life. Since then he had be content to live in the illusion he had created for himself.

When Anakin heard and felt that explosion on that fateful day, on Jibiim that illusion too had been shattered. It wasn’t until he thought he had lost Obi-Wan that he realised just how much he really did feel for him.

And now it was too late.

TBC

Fic - Against All Odds - Chapter two

2006-01-13T00:43:23Z

Title: Against All Odds
Paring: Anakin/Obi-Wan
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: SLASH, M/M
Beta: Hannurdock

Summary: AU SLASH. Angst/Romance. Feelings change as Anakin helps Obi-Wan recover from his torture on Rattatak.

Author comments: Sorry for the long wait. This story is kicking my ass at the moment. Chapter 5 is refusing to co-operate and my original chapter two was way to short. cue a restructure. Critique welcome … but be kind, first piece and all

Disclaimer: These characters belong to George Lucas. No infringement is intended and I make no profit from this….whatsoever.

Chapter Index
Chapter One - Desprate Plea

“Against All Odds”

Chapter Two: Hurting Inside

Obi-Wan couldn’t breathe.

He could inhale and exhale, but the pain in his chest hurt so much that drawing air in then out again, burned. His legs were bound and his hands tied. Tears were forming in his eyes, tears that were betraying his imposed calm demeanour.

His muscles ached as he tried not to tense them when the beatings came. His throat clenched as he tried not to scream every time the needle pierced his skin, and his eyes stung as he tried not to cry when the cruel words rammed their way through his ears and into his mind.

“Jedi scum!”

Smack!

“Cry Kenobi, scream for me!”

Whack!

There was no hope, no escape; he was alone, he was cold and afraid.

“Anakin,” he called out. “Please.”

Nothing.

Anakin had left him.

He had abandoned him, to the whims of this creature.

That hurt more than everything else.

The lips of Ventress curled into a smile, a glint of satisfaction in her eyes. “Still calling out to your Padawan. How pathetic.”

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, this was it, and he could take no more. After all the beatings, after all the cruel sadistic things Ventress had done to him, the thought of Anakin leaving him was more than an insult to his mind; it was a knife driven deep into his heart.

“Anakin,” he whimpered softly, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Ventress laughed loudly. He was breaking and he could not stop it. This was the end; she knew it as he did.

Obi-Wan bit his lip. He didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to give Ventress the satisfaction. If this really was the end he would look her in the eyes, he would die with a shred of dignity.

So he tried to open his eyes, but to no avail. He clawed at his face to physically open them, and to his horror found that they were already open. He struggled to focus his sight, to look for something within the darkness.

“ANAKIN.”

And then there was a light, racing towards him with impossible speed.

“Anakin,” he cried out again.

The light came closer, a gleaming white rope. It curled around him and pulled him, pulled him hard.

Obi-Wan woke with a start, drawing in a deep breath; the room around him was blurred and he struggled to focus his eyes. Blinking furiously to clear the fog from his mind, he was shocked at the sight before him. The hazy form of his Padawan lay slumped across his chest.

He tried to move his arm, to reach out and touch Anakin, but his body would not react to his mental command. He tried to speak, but the air raked through his dry throat.

His intended scream only came out as a whisper.

~~~

Anakin snapped open his eyes, his body trembling and his head throbbing. It took him a moment to work out where he was, to get his bearings. Still shaking, he lifted himself up off the bed, hands grabbing at his hair. Closing his eyes and breathing in deeply, he tried to push out the images in his mind.

Obi-Wan, beaten and crying.

Obi-Wan, screaming out his name.

“Anakin.”

“Anakin.”

He pulled at his braid. “No,” he cried as he fought to clear his mind.

Anakin couldn’t repress the yelp that tore through his throat, when he felt a hand grasp his own. Startled he opened his eyes.

Obi-Wan was staring back at him, his expression one of sheer confusion and worry.

“Anakin.” Obi-Wan said again, his voice gritty and raspy.

“Master?” Anakin climbed on to the bed, and scooped up the elder Jedi into his arms. “Obi-Wan, you’re awake!” He murmured, tears falling down his face. He shuddered as he felt Obi-Wan’s arms embrace him, and he pulled the elder Jedi closer. ‘Thank you, thank you,’ he whispered to himself as he cradled His Master in his arms.

“Anakin, let go. I can’t breathe.”

Hearing his Master’s hoarse cry, Anakin abruptly let go. Laying one hand on his shoulder with the other cupping his Master’s face, he brushed his thumb across Obi-Wan’s cheekbone. “I’m sorry.”

“What happened?” Obi-Wan asked bewildered.

“A lot…but later…how…how do you feel…? Do you hurt…? Is there any pain…?” Anakin pulled back slightly, suddenly aware that he was crushing Obi-Wan’s body with his own.

Obi-Wan smiled thinly. “I feel….thirsty,” he whispered, his voice caught up in his throat.

Anakin grabbed the jug of water nearby and liberally topped up a glass. Wrapping his arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulder to support him, he brought the glass slowly up to his Master’s lips. Obi-Wan drank eagerly, so much so that he began to choke.

“Steady on there,” Anakin chided as he pulled the glass away slightly, “Drink it slowly.” He raised the glass again and smiled as Obi-Wan finished every last drop.

“Better?”

Obi-Wan nodded, and Anakin lowered his Master’s head back down onto the pillow. Climbing off the bed and back onto the stool, he nervously began to straighten out the bed sheets.

“Calm down, Anakin, I’m alright.”

Anakin sighed heavily, resting his head in his hands. “I was so worried; I thought you were going to die…” he sighed deeply, forcing himself to remain in control of his emotions. He would be of no help to his Master if he were a quivering mess. Anakin flinched slightly as he felt Obi-Wan take his hand, and then relaxed allowing his Master to pull it away from his head.

“It’s okay,” Obi-Wan said, squeezing the younger Jedi’s hand tightly for emphasis.

“You’ve been gone for months. I’ve felt so lost without you, Master.” Happiness, worry, relief and guilt. Anakin’s head throbbed as the contradicting feelings fluttered around his mind.

Anakin took in a deep breath and gazed up at Obi-Wan. His Master’s expression was calm but his eyes betrayed him. The panic and confusion therein was obvious. Anakin tightened his grip around Obi-Wan’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “Are you alright?”

“What happened?” Obi-Wan asked, looking slightly nervous.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Jibiim…” Obi-Wan paused when he saw Anakin tense at the word, “that bad, then?” he said with arched eyebrows.

“It’s probably just as well that you can’t remember at the moment.”

Both men jumped when the door slid open behind them. Obi-Wan yelped, and tightened his grip on Anakin’s hand involuntary as the shock pulled at his various wounds.

“Master Kenobi,” Healer Zee said as she entered the room, “you are awake.” Behind her walked in a very worried looking Mace Windu. Quite a strange look for the usually stern Jedi, Anakin thought. As they walked further into the room Obi-Wan abruptly let go of Anakin’s hand, causing the younger Jedi to whimper slightly at the loss of contact.

Healer Zee began to check Obi-Wan over as Mace called Anakin to one side. Reluctant at first, the younger Jedi followed after he received a nod from his Master.

“Anakin, what did you do?” Mace asked, glaring at Anakin with unforgiving eyes.

Anakin tensed his back, adjusting his stance in a defensive manner. “Nothing Master Windu. I’ve just been sitting here,” Anakin said. “For two days straight,” he mumbled under his breath.

“You did something, Anakin. A massive ripple just pulsed through the Force. And you were in the center of it.”

“Well…I did meditate. I reached into the Force and… er… pulled,” Anakin said nervously.

“What?” Mace replied, his expression one of sheer shock.

“I found Master Obi-Wan’s Force signature and I pulled it towards me. I just wanted to re-connect with him. I had no idea this would happen.”

“Interesting…” Mace paused for a minute, looking at Anakin with a mixture of curiosity and confusion.

Anakin blinked twice when he saw a smile form on the elder Jedi’s face. ‘Mace smiling at me‘, he thought. The temple had never seen the like.

“Master Windu,” Anakin encouraged, trying to nudge the other Jedi out of his silence.

Mace shook his head a little, raising his hand to Anakin’s shoulder. “You never cease to amaze me Skywalker. But what ever it was that you did, it worked.”

“Thank… you, Master Windu.” Anakin nodded, a little unsure how to take the comment.

~~~

“This floor doesn’t feel very stable.” Obi-Wan joked as Anakin led him across the floor of their quarters.

“That would be your legs, Master,” Anakin countered, “and you sound like C-3PO. It’s very unnerving.”

“Still insolent I see, young one.” Obi-Wan said with a sigh, as he was dropped onto the bed. He cried out as the pain from his various injuries jolted through his body.

Anakin offered him an apologetic look as he called over a small blanket. He wrapped it tightly around Obi-Wan’s shoulders, “anything else you need, Master?”

“Yes Anakin, please stop fussing so much. I’m fine. Go on to your class, I could do with some peace and quiet.” Obi-Wan flinched as a flash of pain flickered in Anakin’s eyes. He bit his lip regretting his abruptness.

“Fine, whatever you wish Master. Just remember it took all of my negotiating skills to get you at of the healer’s wing,” Anakin sighed. “They only released you because I promised I would look after you.”

“Anakin, I’ll be fine. All I intend to do is sleep. And I do not want you to miss anymore of your lessons.” Obi-Wan smiled, giving Anakin what he hoped was a reassuring look.

Anakin took his leave with a bow and went rather reluctantly to his class.

Now, left alone with his thoughts Obi-Wan curled up on his side, hugging his knees close to his chest. His mind was clouded with images and voices. His body was sore, and he was tired. Over the past few days he had got his memory back. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Ventress. Even in sleep he couldn’t escape, her torture plagued his dreams mixed in with other painful memories from his past. His Master’s demise. His Failure on Melida/Dann.

Anakin had hardly left his side and while he was grateful for the attention he was receiving from his Padawan, it was becoming increasingly difficult to think straight. He was supposed to be the Master, not the other way around. Besides, it was beginning to re-awake some of the more inappropriate feelings he used to have about Anakin.

“No, not that again,” Obi-Wan whispered to himself.

Obi-Wan shook his head; trying to dispel the images his depraved mind was taunting him with.

“I’m such a mess,” Obi-Wan sighed. “…not very befitting for a Jedi.”

Pulling the blanket tightly around him, Obi-Wan closed his eyes; resigning himself to the fact that he would have to sleep, even if he did not want to. Sighing deeply, he prayed to the Force to keep his nightmares at bay.

The Force however, was not on his side.

“Anakin, what are you doing?” Obi-Wan asked, as he watched his Padawan shove his clothes into a bag.

“I’m leaving.” Anakin said, a smile curving his lips.

“Why?”

Anakin stalked towards him, with an expression of disgust. Stopping mere inches from Obi-Wan’s face. He looked straight into the stunned Jedi’s eyes. “Why, do you think?”

Obi-Wan took a step back, trembling.

Anakin began to speak again, but his voice sounded different. It was pitched higher, “you are a dirty man, Kenobi.”

It was Anakin’s body, but it was Ventress’ voice saying the words.

“No!” Obi-Wan cried, closing his eyes. When he opened them, he was not in Anakin’s room, not in the temple, not even on Coruscant. Standing before him was the sinister form of Ventress, needle in hand. Obi-Wan tried to move his body, to pull away, but a searing pain coursed through his veins, immobilising him.

He reached out across his Force bond, pleaded for help as Ventress and the needle moved closer.

‘ANAKIN!!’

Ventress’ lips curled into a smile, her eyes bore into him with a cold, dead stare. “Now Kenobi, the more you struggle, the more it hurts. And you know how much I love to hear you scream.”

Obi-Wan screamed as the needle penetrated the muscle in his arm, as pain seared through his body. He had just enough time to register that smirk on his captor’s face before once again his mind shifted.

“Obi-Wan…promise me you will train the boy.”

Obi-Wan felt his heart break as he cradled his Master, his beloved, in his arms. The precious Force signature fading from his heart, the bond splintering in his mind. “Yes, Master.”

“…he is the chosen one… he will bring balance… train him.”

Gui-Gon’s hand fell from Obi-Wan face, he was gone. Obi-Wan tried to force the tears back, as he buried his head into his fallen Master’s body.

‘No’

“Now, now, Kenobi. What are all those tears for?”

Obi-Wan opened his eyes with a start to find Ventress’ face inches from his own. The acrid smell of her breath filled his nose and he fought the urge to vomit. She pulled back slightly, a cruel smile curving her lips before she plunged the six-inch blade into his stomach.

‘NO!’

Obi-Wan woke bolt upright, soaking wet with sweat and shaking. The room was dark and quiet, and despite his foolish pride he couldn’t help wishing Anakin was there. Rubbing his eyes he tried to shake out the vision of Ventress in his mind. Relief was short though, as he recalled the earlier moments in his dream.

He had held his Master dying in his arms.

He had seen the disgust on Anakin‘s face.

“Please stop.” Obi-Wan whispered, as he began to cry.

TBC

Poor Obi-Wan - don't you just want to give him a big Jedi hug!!

Fic - Against All Odds - Chapter One

2006-01-05T05:25:11Z

Title: Against All Odds
Paring: Anakin/Obi-wan
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: SLASH, M/M
Beta: Hannurdock

Summary: AU. Angst/Romance. Feelings change, as Anakin helps Obi-Wan recover from his torture on Rattatak.

Author comments: Music may be my gift but I thought I’d try my hand at writing. LOL!!!
Critique welcome … be kind though. I know its cliché but this really is the first piece of fan fiction I have ever written. *blush* and I’m very nervous about posting it.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to George Lucas. No infringement is intended and I make no profit from this….what so ever.

“Against All Odds”

Chapter One: Desperate Plea

Showing total disregard to the rules and oblivious to the startled gasps of his fellow Jedi, Anakin raced through the corridors of the Temple. He was heading towards the healer’s wing, his heart pounding in his chest. His body shook vigorously and each hard step almost sent him falling forward, overbalanced.

All coherent thought had left his mind the minute he had received the Holonet call, the day he had awaited for months had finally arrived. The call that he had been pleading for had finally answered his desperate wish - night after night he had prayed to the Force, to bring his Master back to him.

Anakin growled with frustration as he willed his body to go faster. Although he was running at full speed the world around him seemed blurred, as if he was moving in slow motion. Hot tears of frustration and worry were forming in the corner of his eyes, but he held them back. He could see the huge heavy infirmary doors in sight as he rounded the corner, so close but yet so far away. He pushed his body hard, using all of his physical and Force strength to increase his pace.

Anakin had not waited to hear the end of the Holonet conversation. He had instantly dropped the comlink the minute he had heard Obi-Wan’s name. An odd occurrence one might think, but in that instant all Anakin could think of to do was to run, run to his Master. It was a habit that had formed long ago in his earlier life, when a nightmare had woken him up. Obi-Wan had never said anything to him during those nights; he had just smiled sleepily at his Padawan and pulled back the covers, gesturing for Anakin to climb in. It was a show of affection that may have been frowned upon by the Council, but Anakin did not care. Looking back in hindsight it was a comfort for both of them, Obi-Wan having just lost his Master and Anakin missing his mother.

Anakin pushed through the doors of the healer’s wing, tripping slightly as his cloak was snared by the closing doors. Growling, he pulled his cloak free tearing off a piece of the fabric in his haste.

“Master Windu, Master Yoda,” he panted skidding slightly on the hard surface as he halted. “Is he…” Anakin closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath in anticipation.

“Alive your Master is, barely.”

Anakin felt a rush of relief course through his body and exhaled heavily. For months the Council had told him that Obi-Wan had been killed. Anakin had never accepted it. Deep down inside he had known intuitively that his Master was alive. For weeks he had pleaded with the Council to do something. But his demands had fallen on deaf ears.

“You told me he was dead. You told me the explosion had killed him. You…”

“Anakin!” Mace interjected

“You left him out there, all that time. Alone!” Anakin countered squaring up to the elder Jedi.

Mace stood his ground. “Stand down, Skywalker.”

Anakin moved in closer, staring deep into the eyes of the elder Jedi. “You make me sick.” he growled, his voice low in his throat.

“Control your anger, you must!” Yoda shouted, slamming his walking stick down hard.

Anakin fought to regain control. He could feel his anger burning in the pit of his stomach; the adrenalin flowing through his veins. He closed his eyes and reached out into the Force, seeking its calming presence. He didn’t know who he was angry with the most. Mace, who in Anakin’s mind represented the ignorance of the Council, or himself for listening and almost believing.

He drew in a deep breath, holding it for a moment before letting it flow back out of his body. Still trembling a little he turned inquisitively back to Mace. “What happened?”

“Alpha’s report says that both he and Obi-Wan were captured and taken to Rattatak.”

“What’s on Rattatak…?”

“Asajj Ventress’ Stronghold”

“Ventress!” Anakin hissed. He did not wait to hear the end of Mace’s debrief. Instinctively, he ran towards a room on the right just halfway down the long corridor.

When Anakin burst into the room he gasped and staggered backwards in shock. His anger gave way to grief and he dropped to his knees. His Masters emaciated form lay unconscious on the bed. Obi-Wan’s body was covered in bruises and seeping bacta strips. His life signature barely a flicker in the Force. Anakin closed his eyes tightly, struggling to keep control of his emotions. It was a futile effort, he brought his arms up to his face and he cradled his head in his hands as he sobbed.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, “I’m so sorry.”

Anakin was so lost in his grief he didn’t feel the presence of Yoda behind him. The younger Jedi started when he felt the light touch on his shoulder. He snapped his head around, wiping away the tears, so he would not look weak in the eyes of the Jedi Master.

“Control your emotions, you must, young Skywalker,” Yoda said softly, sympathetically. “What is done cannot be undone. If blame you seek, only more pain will you find.”

“Yes Master,” Anakin nodded. He took a few deep breaths in and out focusing on releasing his emotions into the Force. To his surprise he felt greatly calmed, the touch of Yoda’s hand on his shoulder connecting him to the Force more strongly than usual. “Thank you, Master.” Anakin smiled as he rose up to his feet. Feeling a lot stronger now, he walked across the room towards the bed.

Anakin took Obi-Wan’s hand in his own. Squeezing it tightly he bent his head down to place a small kiss on Obi-Wan’s temple. Exhaling slowly as he drew away, Anakin whispered softly into his Master’s ear.

“I may have left you on Jibiim, but I will not leave you now.”

Calling over a stool using the Force, Anakin sat down with his hand still wrapped around Obi-Wan’s. He smiled as he wiped away a few stray auburn strands from his Masters eyes.

“If you don’t wake up, I’ll kill you myself,” he murmured softy.

~~~

“How many times have I told you not to stand outside in the rain, Anakin?” Obi-Wan moaned as he handed the warm cup of Jeru tea down to his sweat slick Padawan. He adopted his most serious ‘Master’ look, although he was amused by this strange obsession Anakin had with water.

“Thank you, Master,” Anakin said sheepishly, inhaling the steam coming off the hot sweet liquid. “It was not my intention to make myself ill, I just wanted to get…wet.”

“Well my young Apprentice. Now you have me waiting on you hand, foot and finger. Sometimes I think you do this for fun. Just to see how much I can tolerate from you.” Obi-Wan chided.

Anakin smiled, “Now you know how I felt as a slave. Please could you run me another shower? I feel all sticky and I feel cold.”

Obi-Wan arched up his eyebrows, amusement evident on his face, although he tried to hide it. Anakin loved to tease him when was ill, to pull at the sympathy strings. “I think you had enough fun getting….wet, Anakin. Drink your tea and try and get some sleep. You can shower in the morning.”

Anakin woke with a start when he felt a warm touch on his shoulder. Blinking, he regained his focus and saw the tall frame of Healer Zee standing over him, a cup in her hand.

“Here drink this,” she said as she offered him the mug of steaming hot tea. “If you’re not going to eat, I insist you drink something.” She chided, nodding to the plate of untouched food on the bedside table.

Anakin brought the cup up to his noise, inhaling the sweet scent. A smile formed on his lips as registered the familiar smell. “I was just dreaming about this,” he said, looking up to see a confused expression on Zee’s face.

“You were dreaming about…tea?” She asked, slightly amused.

“No, I was dreaming about the time I spent two hours standing in the rain. I caught the most Sithly cold and Master Obi-Wan had to stay up all night looking after me. He hated being at my beck and call and I milked it for all it was worth.” Anakin smiled as he recalled the look on Obi-Wan’s face.

Healer Zee smiled and ruffled Anakin’s hair as she turned to Obi-Wan. Going through her daily checks, she took note of his vitals and tended to the numerous injuries the elder Jedi had sustained.

Anakin watched her closely, waiting with bated breath for a report. It had been two days now since Obi-Wan had been brought to the healer’s wing. He had not left his side, save for a few minutes to visit the fresher when he absolutely needed to. Sighing he waited until Zee had done all her checks, hardly daring to hope.

“Any change?”

“He’s not getting worse, and his injuries are healing. Only time will tell, young one.”

Anakin flinched at the words. Only Obi-Wan called him ’young one’ and he bit his lip hard so as not to retaliate. He gazed at his Master, feeling a sense of helplessness and guilt. “I wish there was something that I could do,” he whispered.

Zee smiled at him sympathetically, laying her hand on his shoulder. “You being here is all the help he needs. Talk to him, encourage him with your words.”

“That’s all I’ve done for the past few days. I’ve recalled every single story I can remember, even teased him about his fear of flying. I joked about the time we chased Zam through Coruscant…” Anakin trailed off, unable to continue as pain tugged at his heart. He swallowed hard over the lump in his throat.

“That’s all well and good Anakin, but have you tried really talking to him, through your bond I mean.”

“I haven’t been able to feel him through our bond…I don’t…” Anakin’s voice trailed off again

Zee tightened the grip on Anakin’s shoulder. “That doesn’t mean that he’s not here.” On the last word she placed her other hand over Anakin’s heart and let a few moments pass before she left the younger Jedi alone.

Anakin, having set aside his tea on the bed stand, took his Masters hand in both of his own. Although the bond had been severed when Obi-Wan had been captured, his force signature remained. Anakin turned all of his attention to that single, small flicker in the force and with as much strength as he could muster he called silently to the sleeping Jedi.

‘Master…Obi-Wan’

‘ANAKIN!’

The word raked through Anakin’s mind, tearing him apart from Obi-Wan physically and psychically. Anakin stumbled backwards on the stool, saving himself at the last minute before he toppled over completely. Shaking with shock, Obi-Wan’s plea echoed around his mind. It sounded so desperate, so full of fear. Nothing like the calm serene voice of his Master.

“Obi-Wan?” he asked, taking hold of his Master's hand once again. The touch seemed to burn, even through his mechanical hand. Something was trying to stop him from connecting to Obi-Wan but Anakin hung on despite the pain that was flowing through his arms. If this was the way to bring his Obi-wan back, he would endure it.

He deserved it.

Ignoring the blistering sensation flowing through his limbs, Anakin closed his eyes again tuning into Obi-Wan’s force signature. He pushed himself towards it.

Semi-consciously, Anakin was dimly aware of his body, his physical body, falling over the bed.

TBC.

Major Rant Alert

2005-12-13T23:50:47Z

I was just idly playing around again on ff.net when I clicked upon a page of reviews. The extracts of one particular review really bugged me:

“Fanfiction is a representation of the original artwork or writing. The original follows a basic structure for its characters, scenery, and plotline. This is called "canon". For a fanfiction writer, changing any of this structure is called a "breach of canon" and is not considered good form.”

“If you're going to write fanfiction, stay within the realms of canon, or at least as much as you can. It is permitted to make some leniencies, but to go so far as to make a slash pairing--blatantly against the original canon characters”

Does that mean then that every slash pairing, every AU or non canon fiction I’ve read, despite the obvious talent of the author, is bad form? If it is, then something is wrong.

I look to canon for characterisation. As long as I can see Obi-Wan in my head, hear him say the words and picture him within the story then the author can do what he/she likes with him. Show me how Obi-Wan would deal with the situation, how he would feel, react. If the author is good enough he/she can make almost anything plausible, whist still keeping the character in canon.

One of the main reasons I read fan fiction is because I enjoy the many twists and turns an author can take with a plot or character. Write a happy ending for Rots, have Ani/Obi ravish each other in the shower (purr). I like the fiction to draw me in, to evoke different feelings within me. To show me something different and entertaining within the SW universe that I haven’t seen yet. I do not want to read a by the book novel of the movies, other wise I would look else where. If authors were to completely stay within the realms of canon then fan fiction would be reduced to extended or deleted scenes omitted from the movies.

I have read some beautifully written stories in the last week. Some have weaved through canon and some have been blatant non canon. These stories have been fantastic and entertaining, and evoked feelings within me based on their own individual merits.

Major Rant Alert

2005-12-13T23:47:36Z

counting down......

2005-12-13T21:46:18Z

Wow

I’m nearly ready to enter the world of star wars fan fiction, or more precisely Anakin/Obi-Wan fan fiction.

Ack.… two fics nearly complete and then I’ll have no where to hide.

I really must stop myself reading other fics from fantastically brilliant authors for a bit, while I polish off my own. Every time I think I’m ready to enter the world of fan fiction and reviews, I get blown away by another author. How can I compete with that? Not that I mind getting blown away, hell no. The pleasure is mine, but still…

Anyway so I have three of my very own fics in the pipeline

One complete, and almost ready to be posted, just needs a title and a beta

"Implications" almost complete with one chapter to go (very dark that one, but intriguingly easier to write than the other. By my own standards I write good angst- probably because my life has been...well...angsty)

And "sacrifice" which at the moment is just a synopsis. Has an epic, 12 month in the making feel to it. The words co-author spring to mind.

Anyway...no rest for the wicked, better crack on I suppose.

obsessed

2005-11-28T22:49:56Z

I haven't updated in a ages,

I have been lured to the dark side of the force, that is, Obi-wan/Anakin. Darth Ani and Obi have been keeping me up all hours. I am spending every waking hour reading and writing (in class as well, oops), I dream of them, wake up thinking of them I think I might be a little addicted. Hell no I’m obsessed!! 24/7 I need to immerse myself in some hot Jedi action. Can’t get enough.

that reminds me must check my email again, *oh god please let there be an update* I’m well into about 6 to 7 on going fics at the moment and working on two of my own, one is nearly finished but do I have the nerve to post it?.

update

2005-11-06T12:46:07Z

updated community

I have been working on my self injury community on ezboard since I got back online. if anyone is intrested then here is the link

Self Injury

Plain and simplisic

2005-10-16T20:41:06Z

Back again at LJ